Chapter 3: Slavic City

New favorite city: Prague

Jan 28, 2022

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Currently on a train from Prague to Budapest, and I have plenty of time to catch up guys up on the last few days. Let’s get after it.

Thoughts on Prague

This is 10/10 the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen. America tends to romanticize the western Europe hubs like Paris, Rome, and London, but eastern European architecture is fascinating. Ironically, Europeans seem to prefer visiting eastern cities over their western counterparts.

I love the Gothic/Orthodox architecture in Prague. The cobblestone streets, terra cotta roofs, sharp spires, clock towers, bells, and gargoyles made me feel as if I had gone back in time hundreds of years. The St. Charles Bridge and Prague Castle are both 700 years old, constructed more than 100 years before Columbus sailed to America.

Under the reign of King Charles, Prague was actually the 3rd largest city in Europe (behind Rome and Constantinople). It’s a shame we don’t learn more about central and eastern Europe in school.

The longevity of Prague (and most European cities, for that matter) makes its layout interesting. Prague is over 1000 years old. It was a bustling population center hundreds of years before automobiles, skyscrapers, and paved roads hit the scene. Because of this, you have an entire “old” city filled with fine masonry, old clock towers, majestic cathedrals, and cobblestone streets. Then a separate city is next door, filled with steel towers, paved roads, and all of the normalcies that we see in the urban US.

If you have ever been to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios, Prague is that exhibit times a million. It’s awesome, and you have to go to experience it yourself. My mind is constantly blown by how grandiose and precise the architecture is in these old European castles. Today, we largely construct buildings to maximize efficiency. Apartments and skyscrapers can put the most people in the least amount of space.

1000 years ago, no one cared about ergonomics. Kings, emperors, and czars built for two reasons: to honor their gods or to become gods. When architects are maximizing divinity instead of efficiency, the results are pretty incredible.

Recap Time

Monday, August 30th

So we left off with Tanner and I landing in Prague, and Rylan somehow ended up in Switzerland on a layover. Classic. I only slept 3.5 hours the night before, and the seats on our budget airline were so tight that I couldn’t sleep on the plane. When we landed and got our bags, we hit the cafe in the airport. Still in Spain mode, Tanner walked up to the barista and said “Hola!” Nice.

The information desk pointed us to a bus that would take us downtown, and a middle-aged Australian woman, Michelle, walked with us to the stop. Michelle had worked in Europe for the last 13 years, and she was trying to find a new city to move to. Prague was high on the list.

For me, metro maps are very easy to follow. Most European cities have outstanding metro systems, and you can pay $5-$10 for a multi-day pass. Buses are a whole other beast. They go all over the place, and when the routes and street names are in another language entirely, it can get confusing. Thank God we met Mick Lester on our bus.

Tanner and I were trying to figure out how to get to our hostel, when this old British dude on our bus piped up and said he could help. He introduced himself as Mick Lester (I wish his name was Mo instead of Mick. Talk about an hysterical name). Mick was a 72 year old London native who had spent a decade in Prague. He had a lot of friends in town, namely half of the bar owners. Mick loved three things: his grandkids, his beer, and his women. God bless that man’s ex wife(s).

Once we got off the bus, Mick took us to the metro and showed us how to get to our hostel. He also took us to the currency exchange and a local pub for lunch. We left for our hostel soon after, but Mick Lester told us to meet him at the Irish Times that night; his buddy owned the place.

Our hostel was sick. We had a 6 bed room to ourselves the first night, and the staff was fantastic. As soon as we arrived, I passed out for a couple of hours. Tanner went for a run and found an outdoor gym in a parking lot beside a park.

When I woke up, Rylan was sitting in the room in just a wife beater. Swiss Air had left his luggage in Barcelona, and all he had was his tank top and a hoodie captioned “Big Dawg$ Play to Win” with Gangster Spongebob on the front.

Mexican kids coined the term “Bob Cholo” for gangster Spongebob. It’s now a term across the entire Spanish-speaking world. Look it up.

When Tanner got back, we went to Irish Times, and Mick was hammered. He thought Rylan was a trip, and they ended up facetiming Rylan’s mom. When they came back inside, Rylan said Mick was his new step-dad. As Mick kept drinking, he started pulling all of the typical old guy moves.

Hitting on every waitress
Telling increasing crude jokes
Burping ridiculously loud
Recounting a million stories from “back in his day”
Complaining about being old

Before we left, Mick gave us free entry passes to one of the local nightclubs. Shout out Uncle Mick.

When we got back to our room I strapped up my Mike Vick Falcons jersey, while the other guys went full tank top. We hit a bar with our hostel group, and some dude from Valdosta dapped me up for my Vick jersey. Small world. Tanner and I ended up wandering around the city til like 3 AM, and we got heckled/almost robbed (?) by a couple of dudes on the way back home. Apparently the metro closed at midnight, and going in the metro station at 3 AM was a bad move.

Rylan’s clothes were somehow in our room when we got back (shout out Swiss Air).

Tuesday, August 31st

The boys got up and went on a shopping trip. Rylan thought he would have to buy new clothes, but his luggage showed up just in time. We were still in a shopping mood though, so the three of us plus Jesse (a Dutch guy in our hostel) went downtown. We went in Zara and The New Yorker and tried on so much ridiculous stuff. I bought what looks like a spray painted potato sack from Zara (ITS CALLED FASHION), and we all got tank tops and $3 gold chains. Slavic drip goes hard 🤧

I went to a coffee shop by the river to write, while the other guys wandered around downtown. We met back up with Uncle Mick Lester at 5 at his buddy’s pub, and he couldn’t believe the ridiculous outfits we were wearing. His friends must have thought we were nuts. When we left the pub, we saw an “Ice Bar”. This place was awesome. The entire bar was frozen, EDM music was blaring, and we had to wear these heavy ponchos just to go inside.

After the Ice Bar, I decided that we should try to go to Prague Castle (seen in the first picture). The sun was starting to set, and the city looked incredible.

Have you ever heard a song that gives you chills? One that physically sends a shiver down your spine? Maybe it evokes a sense of nostalgia, or emotion, or some other wave of feelings. As we walked across Charles Bridge, I heard a guy playing a guitar and singing “How He Loves” by the David Crowder Band. It was really, really surprising to hear a new age Christian song on the other side of the world. Maybe it was the fact that I was wearing a tank top in 55 degree weather, or maybe it was something more divine, but I got chills nonetheless. I tipped him a few bucks, and we chatted for a minute. The singer was Czech (though his accent was minimal), and he had lived in the states for years. Really cool guy.

We ended up making it to the castle an hour later, and the view was perfect. No better way to describe it. Night had fallen, and the city was illuminated by a million lights.

The other guys grabbed a table at a restaurant on the hill, and I went to explore Prague Castle. It was a massive compound with a beautiful cathedral in the middle.

After dinner, we headed home. We wanted to spread some American culture, so we fired up “Superbad” on Netflix for the European homies. Freaking classic. Top 3 movie all time, and it’s not 2 or 3.

Wednesday, September 1st

How is it already September? Time flies when you’re dealing with a global pandemic, I suppose.

We woke up and dressed full douchebag attire for the gym. I’m talking tank tops and gold chains. Tanner, Rylan and I walked to the gym, and we saw some Czech high schoolers playing basketball on an outdoor court. We asked if they wanted to play 3v3, and we ended up wrecking them 11-2. America is, and always will be, a dominant basketball country.

The gym was interesting. A squat rack, bench, and a ton of dumbbells in a parking lot. It was free to use, but tips were encouraged. All of the weights were rubber, so it looked like I was moving 500 pounds lmao.

We visited Vysehrad, the oldest part of the city, that afternoon. Vysehrad is over 1000 years old, and the original walls are still intact. The fortress was set on the edge of the river with a great view of the city, and it had several stores, a cathedral, a small amphitheater, and a cemetery.

While exploring the grounds, we heard “Backstreet Boys” blaring. We walked to the amphitheater, and a group of Czech girls were rehearsing a BackStreet Boys dance sequence for a talent show. Glad to see they are getting the best parts of American culture.

We met up with Jesse downtown, and I got sucked into the siren’s call of a local casino. I ditched the group and made a beeline for the poker table. I couldn’t understand anyone but the dealer, and I have no idea how much money I bought in with because it was Czech Crowns. Some dude at the other end of the table kept trying to high roll everyone, and I wrecked him on one hand with a pair of Queens and pair of Kings. I cashed out after that and used the money to buy a blue hoodie.

After poker, I met back up with the amigos. On the way back to the hostel, we went by a minimart to pick up some alcohol. We joked with the clerk, Lee, that he should go out with us. He said his wife had recently left him, so he didn’t want to. (We’ll come back to this guy later.)

We used Mick’s night club passes, and the place was nuts. Absolutely ridiculous, open til 5 AM. We met people from all over the place, and we ended up riding Lime scooters (scooters are an international phenomenon) back to the crib at like 4:30 in the morning.

Thursday, September 2nd

I woke up, grabbed a snack, and headed back to our barebones gym. I ended up working out next to some 60 year old Czech guy, and he was moving some weight. There was a sand volleyball court next to the gym, and I ran some sand sprints too. I may lose weight over here, but there is no way in hell that I’m going let muscle atrophy take over while I’m out exploring.

I spent the rest of the day exploring the city by myself. I visited a few museums in the middle of town, and I climbed up the astronomical clock tower. Prague has one of the oldest continuously running clock towers in the world, and the view from the top was awesome.

That night, we got ready to go out one more time. I wore my potato sack under a sport coat, because it was the most ridiculous outfit I could throw together. We met up with Jesse’s skater friend, Mikey (also a Dutch guy) at one of the bars downtown, and we popped in a couple of bars. Tanner ended up throwing a Lime scooter in the river, and the bouncers outside the bar thought it was hysterical. Classic Europe.

We walked back by that same minimart from the night before, and our boy Lee was there. Jesse started talking to Lee, and the devil on his shoulder started winning him over. Lee took a Jaeger shot with us outside and said he would meet us out when his shift ended.

We scootered across town, and I ended up in a pub with the Dutch guys. We hung out with some girls from Brno (pronounced Bruno) for a bit before I went back to the other club to meet Tanner and Rylan. Sure enough, minimarket Lee was up front by the stage, drenched in sweat, absolutely butchering the lyrics to whatever song was on. Lee’s had a rough last few months, so hopefully he had fun last night. (Update, he posted a picture with us on instagram. Safe to say Lee had fun.)

When I got home, I packed up all my stuff for my 8:49 train in the morning (It was already 4:45 AM).

Friday, September 3rd

I missed my train lol.

Anyways, on another train now to Budapest. Can’t wait to see another city.

Closing Thoughts and Recs for Prague

Bar recommendations from pre-COVID may not be valid now. I had some friends recommend a 5 story club that was sadly dead.
You have to go to the top of Prague Castle. Best view of the city, and you will see a ton of cool stuff along the way.
Stay at Hostel One Miru (I think that was the name, service is bad rn). 10/10 experience.
There are a ton of river tours. It was a bit cold for us, but if you go in the summer I would recommend taking one.
Stuff is dirt cheap in Prague. Like a good meal for $7 cheap. Take advantage.
The clock tower is awesome. Go do the tour of the inside.
Spend some time just wandering the city with no real itinerary. You’ll see a lot of cool stuff.
Get a metro pass, and don’t use an expired one. While you don’t have to scan to get on, occasionally cops will check to make sure yours is valid.
Find a way to stay in shape, especially if you are taking an extended trip. I’ve been having a blast, but this lifestyle can 100% wear on you.
It’s okay to chill some nights. I saw half of the city on Wednesday largely because we stayed in and watched Netflix the night before.
Gelato slaps.
Finding a fun group to run with can make the trip 10x more fun. My original plan was spend my first month in Spain, but the spontaneous trip to central Europe with Rylan and Tanner has been awesome. If you have cool people you want to tag along with, it’s okay to deviate from your plan.
Europeans can get Interrail passes for unlimited train rides around the continent. Americans get the Eurail pass. Same thing, but like $20 more expensive. Highly recommend. You pay a 1x fee and then have unlimited free rides.